March 31, 2006

Captain’s log: Don’t fear the Reaper

By CAPT. JON MOFFETT
jrm001@marietta.edu

Disclaimer: The following views are solely those of the highly opinionated Jon Moffett and are not necessarily shared by the other staff of the Marcolian. These views are not intended to insult or offend anyone, but are merely intended to spark debate and/or discussion among the student body.

This past weekend, I heard the unfortunate news that a girl I graduated high school with was killed in a car accident late Saturday night. Were she and I best friends? No. I mean, I would say hello to her and talk to her, but other than that, we just knew each other. Did the news still hit me hard? Oh, you better believe it.

That got me thinking. This girl was 20 freaking years old when she died. I'm 20 freaking years old. Death is a funny thing. Not funny like it'll make you laugh, but funny like no matter how much you look into it, you'll never quite understand it. Kind of like trying to understand either women, or golf.

But I must admit that hearing this news made me think about my own life a great deal. Well, maybe it made me think more about my own death a great deal. So I've had a few days to think about it, and I've realized that it could essentially happen at any time. Knowing that, I think it's only smart to have a plan already for when I die.

I cannot decide on whether I want to be cremated or simply buried. Both options are exciting. If I were to be cremated, I would want my ashes to be mixed in with some concrete and have them erect a statue of me to place at the head of my grave. Of course I would be doing some crazy pose, so people would laugh when they saw it. Death is what you make of it; it can be solemn, or it can be fun. The other option would be to be buried, and there's really not much you can do with that.

Then there's the funeral. I think it's fairly safe to say that most people do not like going to funerals, and for good reason. Most funerals are sad and painful, but I want mine to be fun and enjoyable. That's why, instead of picking some cliché church hymns to be sung, I've chosen a host of songs that I enjoy to be played, such as P.O.D.'s “Alive”, which would let people know that they shouldn't be saddened that I have passed, but instead be happy and remember the good times that they shared with me. There will also be two large screens showing video clips of me and some of the things I've done, just to lighten the mood a bit, whether these are clips of me giving out words of wisdom, or perhaps the video from high school where my friends and I put on the Special Olympics Spelling Bee for our film class.

If there's one thing that everyone should have, it's a final will and testament. This is so that there is no confusion as to who gets what of your stuff. My handouts will be done differently, though. Everyone, upon entering the will reading, will be given a number. That number will correspond with a ball placed into a tumbler, and my things will be given away lottery-style. Everything, that is, except for my leather jacket. I either get buried in that damn thing, or it burns with me.

Death is what you make of it, simple as that. And I want my death to be spectacular.